17-year-old creates recipe book with late father, mom protests when he doesn't want to share it with his stepsiblings: 'Mom said that I should be more of a role model'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 21, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Grief operates in different ways for different people. Processing the passing of somebody close to you is always going to be a challenge, but it can be especially confusing if it happens when you're a kid. Nobody can be fully prepared for somebody not being around anymore, but the younger you are, the less understandable it can be.

If you are a parent whose child loses a close family member, it makes your job even more important. You have to help them make sense of it and also try to be respectful of their feelings, no matter how much time elapses. Unfortunately, not every mom or dad is respectful of this and it can lead to some difficult situations. There is a real risk of creating a rift for the simple reason of not being willing to understand the complicated process of grief while somebody is growing up and still learning about themselves.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One teenager felt his mom was being disrespectful of his dad's memory when she and his stepdad insisted that he share a book of baking recipes with his younger half-sibling and step-sibling. Although his father passed eight years ago, he still felt like the recipe book they created together was something personal to them and something that he didn't want to be forced into sharing. His mom was not pleased when he hid the book from her, but he felt like he had his reasons.

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    AITA for hiding mine and my dad's baking book?

    My dad was a baker and he used to bake with me when I (17m) was a kid. We had our own baking book where we created recipes and took some of his and altered them to make stuff that was ours. He put a lot of effort into making it look nice and for it to be something I could always have. He did when I was 9. My mom got remarried (she and my dad were mid-divorce when he di d) 18 months later and she has a stepkid (7) and a bio kid (5) with her husband. Both are being raised as theirs and my stepsibl
    via Own_Rock5471
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    When my mom and her husband finally brought it up to me, it was more telling me to do it then asking but I said no even thought it wasn't a question. I said it was between me and dad and I wasn't sharing it with my stepsibling or half sibling. My mom's husband told me to say just siblings. Mom said that was right and that I should be looking to be more of a role model and I should share something that means so much to me with them. She asked me where the book was and I said it was safe. She went
    via Own_Rock5471
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    She told me to start a new one with them and I said no because it was a me and dad thing. The only people I'd do that kind of thing with is my own kids one day. Mom asked why I hid the book and I told her I heard them talking and I wanted to make sure she didn't give it to the kids anyway. Her husband wanted to know why I was against it and I said it's too sentimental to share. My mom wanted to know who had it but I didn't tell her. She called everyone in dad's family and all denied having it.
    via Own_Rock5471
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    She told me her stepkid wanted to have it shared with them. That she spoke to them after her husband told her about it and it's true. That the kid is old enough to long for that connection like I had with dad and the memories I've shared about it are something they want with me. I told her the book's staying where it is. She tried to ground me but realized it would make life more difficult because I have a job after school and me having money to buy some stuff for myself helps them when they're
    via Own_Rock5471
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    Other people sympathized with the teenager's point of view.

    Fluffy_Sheepy NTA. The fact that she went looking for the book after you said no is all the proof needed that biding it was a good move. In fact, I would be willing to bet that she would threaten to burn the book so that you can't have it any more if you weren't willing to share it. She isn't just trying to force bonding activities with your siblings, she is actively trying to erase your father. Because she was done with him even before he did, she has decided that he doesn't get to be special t
    via Fluffy_Sheepy
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    Own Rock5471 OP I don't think she'd burn it but I think she'd gift it to the kids or she'd claim it as hers and say she got to decide who used it and when. The last thing I could picture her doing so she'd have access to some of my dad's recipes too. He did a great job at making them easy for a kid to follow which would be perfect for her since admits herself she s_ks at baking and so does her husband. The easier the recipe the happier she is.
    via Own_Rock5471
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    Fluffy_Sheepy I hope you're right, but I wouldn't underestimate her if I were you. There's no end to the spiteful things people will do, even when it doesn't make logical sense for them to do SO.
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    Foreign_Degree160 No, that was/is something that's special just for you and your dad and whoever YOU decide to share it with. It's not up to them to make that decision for you
    via Foreign_Degree160
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    Own Rock5471 OP Thanks for understanding. I know my step and half siblings might want to be a part of that. But it's not something I'll ever want to share like that.
    via Own_Rock5471
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    Thats-Not-My-Name-80 You can go one step further now and get a safe deposit box, for the original after you get a copy of the it made for you to use in your home (once you move out) And the petty a side of me says compile a collection of random baking recipes al la the interwebs and put that in a binder in the kitchen.
    via Thats-Not-My-Name-80
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    FunStorm6487 Oh f both of them...let them put in the time and effort to make a book with THEIR children
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    ellenkates But baking can be messy - my cookbook handwritten for me by my late mom - is splotched & stained. What could happen to OP's book, being used by such young kids even under his supervision! NTA. Cherish & keep it hidden
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    SlinkyMalinky20 It's so wild - you dad is literally no one to these kids - no relation whatsoever. They don't want this connection with him. It's just a power play by your mom and her husband.
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    elderoriens NTA in any way. Good move with the book. No one is entitled to spoil your memories to create their dream. IF YOU WANT to offer a compromise, want to take up pasta making? Food from another culture? Start your own brady bunch book? It's your decision alone how much peace you choose to keep. Choose a uni as far away as possible.
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    CuteeDumpling Your memories with your dad are yours to protect don't let guilt push you into sharing something that doesn't feel right.
    via CuteeDumpling
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    74Magick Those kids have a living father, they can make their own cookbook with him. UGH people wanting to force you into playing "happy families" are THE WORST!! I'd be telling your Mom she needs to tread lightly with that, you're going to be 18 soon and you will be able to completely cut them off. Some people have to learn the meaning of "No" the hard way. NTA
    via 74Magick
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    Rikkendra NTA. You and your dad created the cookbook. Before he did, you owned 50% of the book and he owned 50% of the book. Upon his passing, the 50% that was his transferred to you. That book is 100% yours to do with. You can keep it to yourself, keep it hidden, or share it if that's what you want to do. Your mom does not get to decide what you get to do with your property. If your mom and stepdad want to create memories with their other children, there are plenty of ways they can do that othe
    via Rikkendra
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    Leogirl08 NTA. You'll be adult soon. If your mother keeps overstepping on behalf of her new family then ask your dads family members if you can move in with them when your 18. She shouldn't be volunteering your book or anything else of yours to them. Print off some generic recipes online and give them to your mother. She can cook with them.
    via Leogirl08
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    Virtual-Big-8577 NTA. How about your step-dad and mom spend time with their kids instead of asking someone else to parent them? I'm so sorry about your dad and no-one has the right to tell you what to do with the inheritance he gave you. Also your responses sound very mature considering how emotional that must've been.
    via Virtual-Big-8577
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    dbcher NTA I hate hearing these types of stories and how common it appears to be. You can't replace loved ones and you can't force love. The more they try to force love, the more they grow hate.
    via dbcher

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